Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
