I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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