Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize