Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
