You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize