Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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