It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
