my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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