my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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