Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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