just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
