Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
