You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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