I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
