"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
