I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
