It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
