I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
