"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
