I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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