i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
