She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
