Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize