my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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