After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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