I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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