your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize