We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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