I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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