I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
