i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
