Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
