cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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