Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
