I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
