last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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