I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
