i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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