When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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