Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
