My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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