I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
