Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
