What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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