i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
