Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
