Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
