You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
