are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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