not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
