I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
