You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
