Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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