i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
