On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
