I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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