Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
