Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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