She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
