my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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