Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
