Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
