Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
