Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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