I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
it's like heaven, but drunker
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
