I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
