He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
