We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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