i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
