everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
