i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
