fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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