she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
