I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize