True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i came on her dog
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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