I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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