A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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