At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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