THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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