everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Enjoy the penises
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
