I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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