he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
