Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
