Cold hands, warm shart.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sorry about my life...
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