Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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