I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
