I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Bring me that man meat
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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