Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
