capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
