some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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