rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
