y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
