PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize