You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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