I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
