Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
