nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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