I have demons in me.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize