i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
