she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Drunk is not a location!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
