He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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