Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize