Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize